Are you sick of Star Wars yet? We sure are, even though we are t-minus 3 days until the premiere of Ep. 8: The Last Jedi. We have a hodge-podge of Star Wars nonsense we address, including: Adam Driver, the white chocolate dildo; a Holiday Special reboot starring CGI Tarkin and Miley Cyrus; the most unfortunate immersive experience Disney could offer at their theme park; Elan Sleazebaggano; and we tie it all up by recasting Hook with the lumpyest Star Wars characters.

Porkins is the pan.

Ep. 17: Sad Con 2: The Movie


In episode 17, the assholes revisit the national disaster that was Sad Con. We plan for a second, sadder year, and simultaneously plot and cast the movie adaptation. Whether you are familiar with Sad Con Year 1 or not, this is a truly miserable experience, no background knowledge needed! Come to Sad Con 2, get a too-small t-shirt, win a Droopy award, and Live or Die- the choice is yours.

Hey- Fuck you guy from Brazil who had nothing positive to say about the first incarnation of Sad Con.


Ep. 15: Dangle Spanx: Sex in the Star Wars Universe


What the hell is on Hera’s head? This is the question that started it all. That, and the realization that her lekku jiggle on Rebels. 

That show is animated, and yet she jiggles away. Why? This lead to more and more questions, such as:

You ever notice that Twi’Lek’s are one of the only sexualized types of non-human aliens in Star Wars? Have you wondered where the lines of taboo are drawn? Is it socially acceptable for a human to date a wookiee? What about bone a Mon Calamari? An Ewok? If so, you are a sicko-nerd-pervert. So are we.

Laugh at us as we explore sex in the Star Wars universe.

For reference:

Hera’s Head Crotch:


Oola in the Rancor Pit

Droopy McCool:


Sy Snootles:

Max Rebo Band:

Ballchinnian at the Cantina:

Weird Jabba Orgy Photo:

Dick Nose (Garindan)

Hologram from Holiday Special




Ep. 10: Rogue One Theories

The assholes, along with special guest-hole Adam, take a stab at predicting what we will see in Rogue One next week. We sincerely doubt it, but just in case any of our hairbrained theories are correct: potential spoiler alert. We don’t have the dirt, we just have a few wild ideas.
In particular, we are intrigued by the idea of Beach Assault Troopers, and envision Beach Blanket Bingo, Star Wars-style! Don’t take it too seriously, we are just poking a little fun at a franchise we are all way too invested in.

Kevin’s Star Wars socks

Ep. 08: Star Wars Spin-Offs



Episode BB-8 focuses in on all things Star Wars! Inevitably, Disney will continue with one-off movies apart from the main saga- a la Rogue One. Eventually, they will be scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas, and that is where we come in! With never-before-heard theories and outrageous spin-off plots, the GOA takes you on an alcohol-fueled foray into a galaxy far far away!