Ep. 23: I Hate the 80’s

Why are we, as a society, so nostalgic for things that weren’t even that good in the first place? Who even gives a shit about pet rocks- I mean seriously. In the midst of all of the Ready-Player-One-80’s-porn-neon-nonsense sit 4 grumpy assholes, ready to tear apart everything you nerds hold so dear: your pop culture knowledge. It’s dumb, sucker!

In this episode, we take a look at some Garbage Pail Kids cards, talk shit about RP1, hear how Desirae used to torture kids with the monstrous ALF, and generally complain about remakes of our personal favorite classics. Grab your trapper keeper, lace up those Reeboks, and get ready to hate the 80’s.

 

                          

Ep. 22: Movie Predictions 2018

If there is one thing these a$$holes love to do, it is pick apart movies. This time they try it out with movies they haven’t seen and probably never will. 2018 is bound to be a shit year for movies, just like 2017, 2016, and so on.

Listen to the assholes imagine what Don would be like in prison once they get bored poking fun at:
and probably a few others that we all will flush from our memories the minute after streaming them on Netflix while we look at our phones, because no one is actually watching this shit.

Ep. 18: 3010 A Space Nightmare

In this SPOILER leaden episode, the a$$holes relive the glory and mastery of the lesser-known sequel 2010: The Year We Make Contact. Because Matt has never seen it, we take him on a circuitous journey through the plot (sort of) and foray on our own odyssey to create a Kubrick themed EU housed by the many satellites of Jupiter. Yeah, it’s hard to follow. A little like the original movie…

 

Ep. 16: Celebrity Heights #SpectralCohabitation

 

Welcome to episode 16! In this month’s installment we treat you to the plot of yet another film too awesome to get made. This time we are lampooning the Denver housing market, poking fun at the Colorado pot-refugees, and going all in on murdering celebrities to increase property values. Yep, we went there. Celebrity hauntings = the next logical step in exciting real estate amenities. And just imagine how many likes you could get on Instagram with your spectrally enhanced RiNo loft! #SpiritualCohabitation

Whether you live in Colorado or not, we think you will enjoy a Rick Moranis/Jessica Lange vehicle (with a cameo by Earth, Wind and Fire?? Count me in!) setting the celebrity bar LOW with this playful, yet murderous, dig into the seedy side of real estate.

For your reference:

An actual house listing

Dealin’ Doug

Jake Jabs

Rocky’s Auto Crew

Blinky the Clown

 

Ep. 14: i’m lovin’ it

True to form the a$$holes create yet another film that is just too awesome to get made. Picture this: everyone’s favorite whipping boy, Jake Lloyd as a grittier, sadder, darker version of the red-headed, commercial clown that has been creeping us all out for years, Ronald McDonald.  After all, all of our other favorite characters are getting the Frank Miller treatment- darkening up their stories, adding grit and dirt and drug addictions to their cannon, why not ol’ Ronny McD?

Take a trip with us into the seedy underbelly of fast food, into the tormented psyche of a depressed clown, into the world made possible by hackneyed directors with zero tricks left in their bags. Welcome to McDonald’s 2.0

 

EP. 13: PURGING THE PURGE

 

In this SPOILER laden episode, the a$$holes complain about the Purge franchise, come up with plot overviews for the next dozen or so sequels, then segue into a long, strange trip into Matt’s psyche in regards to clowns in cornfields. WTF, you ask? We don’t know.

If you felt like the Purge franchise had potential but just continued to let you down one after the other then this is the episode for you. Also, if you have never seen these movies because you thought they looked like smelly, contrived garbage, then this is also the episode for you. Just listen to it, nerd.

EP. 12: SHAKEDOWN REVIEW

Have you SEEN this movie? Sometimes known as Blue Jean Cop, Shakedown is one of the greatest 80’s action flicks to ever cross the thresholds of our collective eyeballs. How it ended up flying under our radar all these years is beyond me. It is everything the A$$holes ever ask for in a film- ridiculous plots, unrelenting action, cliches piled on cliches, SAM M-F’in ELLIOT and SO much more.

Do yourself a favor, skip the trailer (it’s balls) and go straight for the feature presentation. Get a 6-pack and a few buddies for the ultimate experience.


                                 

Ep. 11: Do Androids Dream of Utter B.S.? Upcoming Movies in 2017

The Gif of A$$holes Podcast is back for 2017, what will surely be the grand-daddy of crum-tastic years. In this episode, the A$$holes take a look at some of the shit sequels scheduled for a 2017 release. True to our niche, we replot and recast as necessary to make these films into something we actually want to see. No sequel is safe when the GOA get their hands on it!

We tackle:
Kong: Skull Island
Godzilla 2
The Mummy
xXx 3: Return of Xander Cage
Cars 3
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
Blade Runner 2049

We also spend the last 20+ minutes killing off Harrison Ford in sequels to pretty much every movie he’s made. What, you weren’t jonesing for Airforce One 2?  How about Presumed Innocent 2: Guilty?

Ep. 07: Project Erase Mel Gibson

 

gibson_matt_300dpi

 

This time the GOA looks at the work of disgraced actor, Mel Gibson. Since he is a blight on pop culture, we reimagined his films. We want to edit them to remove his gross, misogynistic, anti-semitic face, and recast these gems with better actors. Don’t get us wrong, we have no desire to remake these movies, we just want to use movie magic to erase him completely- all of the other actors will still get their screen time. So, submitted for your listening pleasure: Project Erase Mel Gibson.