Ep. 23: I Hate the 80’s

Why are we, as a society, so nostalgic for things that weren’t even that good in the first place? Who even gives a shit about pet rocks- I mean seriously. In the midst of all of the Ready-Player-One-80’s-porn-neon-nonsense sit 4 grumpy assholes, ready to tear apart everything you nerds hold so dear: your pop culture knowledge. It’s dumb, sucker!

In this episode, we take a look at some Garbage Pail Kids cards, talk shit about RP1, hear how Desirae used to torture kids with the monstrous ALF, and generally complain about remakes of our personal favorite classics. Grab your trapper keeper, lace up those Reeboks, and get ready to hate the 80’s.

 

                          

Ep. 22: Movie Predictions 2018

If there is one thing these a$$holes love to do, it is pick apart movies. This time they try it out with movies they haven’t seen and probably never will. 2018 is bound to be a shit year for movies, just like 2017, 2016, and so on.

Listen to the assholes imagine what Don would be like in prison once they get bored poking fun at:
and probably a few others that we all will flush from our memories the minute after streaming them on Netflix while we look at our phones, because no one is actually watching this shit.

Ep. 21: Careers in the Apocalypse

The GOA is prepared for the end of the world. They have combed popular culture, and have a career solution for every type of apocalyptic future you can imagine. During the inevitable rebuilding of civilization, each of us will need a job in order to keep the rat meat on the campfire and the weapons under our rock pillows. Don has a creative plan to make weapons he can barter with, Kevin will counsel those who remain, Desirae will probably either get stuck teaching or cleaning up after everyone, while Matt will fuck your toaster, free of charge.

What skills will you utilize in the bleak and miserable future to keep your pathetic life crawling along?

Star Wars EP. 20: WHITE CHOCOLATE DILDO

Are you sick of Star Wars yet? We sure are, even though we are t-minus 3 days until the premiere of Ep. 8: The Last Jedi. We have a hodge-podge of Star Wars nonsense we address, including: Adam Driver, the white chocolate dildo; a Holiday Special reboot starring CGI Tarkin and Miley Cyrus; the most unfortunate immersive experience Disney could offer at their theme park; Elan Sleazebaggano; and we tie it all up by recasting Hook with the lumpyest Star Wars characters.

Porkins is the pan.

Ep. 18: 3010 A Space Nightmare

In this SPOILER leaden episode, the a$$holes relive the glory and mastery of the lesser-known sequel 2010: The Year We Make Contact. Because Matt has never seen it, we take him on a circuitous journey through the plot (sort of) and foray on our own odyssey to create a Kubrick themed EU housed by the many satellites of Jupiter. Yeah, it’s hard to follow. A little like the original movie…

 

Ep. 17: Sad Con 2: The Movie

 

In episode 17, the assholes revisit the national disaster that was Sad Con. We plan for a second, sadder year, and simultaneously plot and cast the movie adaptation. Whether you are familiar with Sad Con Year 1 or not, this is a truly miserable experience, no background knowledge needed! Come to Sad Con 2, get a too-small t-shirt, win a Droopy award, and Live or Die- the choice is yours.

Hey- Fuck you guy from Brazil who had nothing positive to say about the first incarnation of Sad Con.

 

Ep. 14: i’m lovin’ it

True to form the a$$holes create yet another film that is just too awesome to get made. Picture this: everyone’s favorite whipping boy, Jake Lloyd as a grittier, sadder, darker version of the red-headed, commercial clown that has been creeping us all out for years, Ronald McDonald.  After all, all of our other favorite characters are getting the Frank Miller treatment- darkening up their stories, adding grit and dirt and drug addictions to their cannon, why not ol’ Ronny McD?

Take a trip with us into the seedy underbelly of fast food, into the tormented psyche of a depressed clown, into the world made possible by hackneyed directors with zero tricks left in their bags. Welcome to McDonald’s 2.0

 

EP. 13: PURGING THE PURGE

 

In this SPOILER laden episode, the a$$holes complain about the Purge franchise, come up with plot overviews for the next dozen or so sequels, then segue into a long, strange trip into Matt’s psyche in regards to clowns in cornfields. WTF, you ask? We don’t know.

If you felt like the Purge franchise had potential but just continued to let you down one after the other then this is the episode for you. Also, if you have never seen these movies because you thought they looked like smelly, contrived garbage, then this is also the episode for you. Just listen to it, nerd.

Ep. 09: Serial Killer Speed Dating

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The GOA is back to basics for this episode! We create a fully-casted movie plot centered around our friend Adam’s foray into Geek Speed Dating at the 2016 Denver Comic Con. Who wouldn’t want to murder this guy? We kid…we kid…

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13 women all hell-bent on destroying Adam after a 90 second speed date turns into a raucous, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World style chase to see who can claim the ultimate prize: Adam’s head.

Kevin looking grumpy at his table

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Matt and Don

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Desirae getting her nerd on

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Ep. 08: Star Wars Spin-Offs

 

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Episode BB-8 focuses in on all things Star Wars! Inevitably, Disney will continue with one-off movies apart from the main saga- a la Rogue One. Eventually, they will be scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas, and that is where we come in! With never-before-heard theories and outrageous spin-off plots, the GOA takes you on an alcohol-fueled foray into a galaxy far far away!