EP. 13: PURGING THE PURGE

 

In this SPOILER laden episode, the a$$holes complain about the Purge franchise, come up with plot overviews for the next dozen or so sequels, then segue into a long, strange trip into Matt’s psyche in regards to clowns in cornfields. WTF, you ask? We don’t know.

If you felt like the Purge franchise had potential but just continued to let you down one after the other then this is the episode for you. Also, if you have never seen these movies because you thought they looked like smelly, contrived garbage, then this is also the episode for you. Just listen to it, nerd.

EP. 12: SHAKEDOWN REVIEW

Have you SEEN this movie? Sometimes known as Blue Jean Cop, Shakedown is one of the greatest 80’s action flicks to ever cross the thresholds of our collective eyeballs. How it ended up flying under our radar all these years is beyond me. It is everything the A$$holes ever ask for in a film- ridiculous plots, unrelenting action, cliches piled on cliches, SAM M-F’in ELLIOT and SO much more.

Do yourself a favor, skip the trailer (it’s balls) and go straight for the feature presentation. Get a 6-pack and a few buddies for the ultimate experience.


                                 

Ep. 11: Do Androids Dream of Utter B.S.? Upcoming Movies in 2017

The Gif of A$$holes Podcast is back for 2017, what will surely be the grand-daddy of crum-tastic years. In this episode, the A$$holes take a look at some of the shit sequels scheduled for a 2017 release. True to our niche, we replot and recast as necessary to make these films into something we actually want to see. No sequel is safe when the GOA get their hands on it!

We tackle:
Kong: Skull Island
Godzilla 2
The Mummy
xXx 3: Return of Xander Cage
Cars 3
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
Blade Runner 2049

We also spend the last 20+ minutes killing off Harrison Ford in sequels to pretty much every movie he’s made. What, you weren’t jonesing for Airforce One 2?  How about Presumed Innocent 2: Guilty?

Ep. 10: Rogue One Theories

The assholes, along with special guest-hole Adam, take a stab at predicting what we will see in Rogue One next week. We sincerely doubt it, but just in case any of our hairbrained theories are correct: potential spoiler alert. We don’t have the dirt, we just have a few wild ideas.
In particular, we are intrigued by the idea of Beach Assault Troopers, and envision Beach Blanket Bingo, Star Wars-style! Don’t take it too seriously, we are just poking a little fun at a franchise we are all way too invested in.

Kevin’s Star Wars socks

Ep. 09: Serial Killer Speed Dating

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The GOA is back to basics for this episode! We create a fully-casted movie plot centered around our friend Adam’s foray into Geek Speed Dating at the 2016 Denver Comic Con. Who wouldn’t want to murder this guy? We kid…we kid…

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13 women all hell-bent on destroying Adam after a 90 second speed date turns into a raucous, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World style chase to see who can claim the ultimate prize: Adam’s head.

Kevin looking grumpy at his table

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Matt and Don

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Desirae getting her nerd on

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Ep. 08: Star Wars Spin-Offs

 

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Episode BB-8 focuses in on all things Star Wars! Inevitably, Disney will continue with one-off movies apart from the main saga- a la Rogue One. Eventually, they will be scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas, and that is where we come in! With never-before-heard theories and outrageous spin-off plots, the GOA takes you on an alcohol-fueled foray into a galaxy far far away!

Ep. 07: Project Erase Mel Gibson

 

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This time the GOA looks at the work of disgraced actor, Mel Gibson. Since he is a blight on pop culture, we reimagined his films. We want to edit them to remove his gross, misogynistic, anti-semitic face, and recast these gems with better actors. Don’t get us wrong, we have no desire to remake these movies, we just want to use movie magic to erase him completely- all of the other actors will still get their screen time. So, submitted for your listening pleasure: Project Erase Mel Gibson.

Ep. 06: Better than Pokemon Go

 

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In this episode the GOA creates their own version of the popular game, Pokemon Go.

We call our atrocity “Assemon Go” and are hell-bent on the most miserable experience possible for anyone with the misfortune to download our app. Good times!
More info on our random character choices:
P.S. Bored Lucy snored through the whole thing. It adds to the experience…
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Ep. 05: Roswell

 

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GOA is tired of stumbling through the motions of life quietly repeating “I can’t do this anymore.” Welcome to Roswell- or Life: Plan B.

 

Photos from our trip to Roswell

Best Museum EVER

 

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Weird blacklight backroom

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Desirae and GORT

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Informational poster at the museum

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Ep. 04: BEARCANO

 

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In this episode the assholes talk about their latest craze, BEARCANO. Sort of like Sharknado, but way hotter.

Unrelated but completely related in spirit, Kevin is currently in production on a BEARCANO comic based loosely on the plot we discuss in this episode. BEARCANO is more of a shell that can fit anything, or if you’re feeling Greek, a hydra with multiple heads. BEARCANO the comic book is one of those heads.

BEARCANO ON PATREON.

 BEARCANO CAN BE YOURS.